Mongolian Take Out Service

Photos of the Rally

2006-08-28T22:28:00.000-04:00

Hey there, those of you who are still checking in

here's a link to my set of rally photos, which my boyfriend David has kindly hosted on his flickr account

Unfortunately, they are not really in order. Enjoy!
[UPDATE: Photos now in chronological order. Continue to enjoy! -- Cheburashka]

there's a comments feature on flickr - so, comment away!

here's a picture from the site - this is a lake we drove past in Kyrgyzstan, about 4 hours outside of Osh:

And the view from 12th Street is just delightful

2006-08-21T10:37:00.000-04:00

Hey all,

I apologize for the radio silence for the last week. Been hectic, but I'll tell you now that Paul dropped out of the Rally in Tashkent about 10 days ago, to head home to New York, after stomach non-cooperation issues. I continued on from Tashkent with Team Globalisation Institute (at that point just Anthony Batty) and we made our way through the Ferghana Valley of Uzbekistan (where we were stopped by the cops SEVENTEEN times in one afternoon) and into phenomenally gorgeous, and ridiculously inaccessible Kyrgyzstan - without a doubt the highlight of the Rally. Most unbelievably stunning place I've ever seen, and also, the best driving I've ever had in my life. Apparently the roads have been repaired in recent years. And once through Kyrgyzstan, back into Kazakhstan and lovely, cosmopolitan Almaty. Anthony trudged on north towards Siberia, but even with an extension from work, I could not promise that I'd be back in the office on time, so, with a slightly heavy heart, I left the Rally from Kazakhstan. I tell you all this so that you all know that we're home, and that once I get a few more minutes in front of the old intertron, I will post as many photos as blogger will allow.

Osh, Kyrgyzstan

2006-08-14T11:21:00.000-04:00

Message received early this morning from Osh, Kyrgyzstan. Bad jokes regarding Oshkosh, Wisconsin, or the Oshkosh (B'Gosh) brand of overalls omitted for readers' pleasure.

Islam Karimov's Presidential Motorcade

2006-08-11T14:04:00.000-04:00

Outside cafe, having our umpteenth shashlik and beer dinner tonight in downtown Tashkent, Uzkbekistan. Walking up towards a corner of a major intersection, we notice people being diverted from foot traffic. And men in fatigues with automatic weapons. We slow down, take a bit of cover behind a newsstand. Auto traffic in all directions has stopped. Then we figure it out - one cop car, another, a third, an SUV and I stop counting. It's a motorcade! We get asked for our documents and head on our way. That's tonight's event in Tashkent, which has been good to us for the last day. We're staying in a great hotel (The Grand Orzu Hotel) and have hit the bazaars big time. Tomorrow some museums and on to Kyrgyzstan. We are, as our newfound British friends put it, knackered. This isn't vacation one bit. It is hardcore, brutal, nose to the grindstone travel. What makes it great is catching up with other rallyers and trading stories. The teetotaller who was stopped by the cops for allegedly driving drunk and then "failing" a breathalyzer. The Moldovan gas station attendant who refused payment for the gas the rallyers put in the tank, and then demanded that they do shots and smoke cigarettes with him. in the gas station. while getting ready to drive. Sometimes it seems a bit that there are little to no rules going on here. But we enjoy it. We're on to Kyrgyzstan tomorrow and will report more from Bishkek.

Tashkent, home of GooGoosh(a)

2006-08-11T11:18:00.000-04:00

Latest reports put our hard-drivin' team in Tashkent, Uzbekistan, which is described as beautiful, friendly and cosmopolitan. Unclear whether they have seen or heard the number one jam on Uzbek MTV at the moment, "Unutma Meni (Forget Me Never)," a danceable tune that happens to be sung by the daughter of the beloved Uzbek maximum leader, Islam Karimov. Said daughter, Gulnara Karimova (pictured, right), apparently goes by the moniker GooGoosh or GooGoosha.

Team NY now plans to head east to Bishkek, Kyrgyzstan and then north to Almaty, Kazakhstan.

Yes, But Did They Stop At Baikonur Cosmodrome?

2006-08-09T14:44:00.000-04:00

Our latest dispatch puts Team NY and their traveling companions in southern Kazakhstan, near the Uzbek border, having spent the night in Aral(sk) and confirmed reports that there are indeed boats on the sand there (the Aral Sea having lost some 60% of its surface area in the last 30 years or so and the city of Aral no longer being a port but rather a sad, landlocked place 100km from the nearest shore).

They plan to reach Tashkent tomorrow, and then head on to Bishkek and Almaty. From the brief communiqué, it appears that they have approached the rally with renewed vigor and intend to visit the Silk Road cities AND go all the way to Mongolia. Cheers to our hearty band of adventurers!

No word on whether they stopped at Baikonur Cosmodrome on their way from Aral to Tashkent.

Aqtobe, Slight Return

2006-08-07T21:51:00.000-04:00

This e-mail arrived from Audrey earlier today, giving a bit more detail on our Team's current situation:

we are having a rough time of things here- lots of driving, little progress. bad roads, breakdowns, and i'd kill for a shower. but i am in a post office with a bunch of the rallyers we picked up. their panda broke down outside aktobe, and we towed them 50 miles in the wrong direction, camped, then set on back for aktobe. cars are being repaired right now, and then we go back towards aral. i realize now that we are either going to mongolia via kazakhstan, straight east then north, or just going to tashkent/bishkek/almaty and then home. there's not enough time to do both.

Aqtobe (or not Aqtobe)

2006-08-06T12:20:00.000-04:00

More news from the front:

Near Aqtobe - picked up another two teams. Have not yet decided whether to finish rally by going to Siberia and east, or just to Uzbek & Kyrgyz and then home. Will have to decide soon.

Kazakh Camel Sighting

2006-08-04T12:28:00.000-04:00

Latest dispatch from Audrey:

In Atyrau. Big Chevron town. having dinner, had our first offroad experience and saw camels!!

UPDATE: Notwithstanding Audrey's comment that Atyrau is "atyriffic," Teams NY + GI will be pushing on eastward through the night, armed with industrial-strength halogen lights thoughtfully brought along by Team GI. They'll be headed about 700 km or 450 miles towards Aral, formerly a port on the Aral Sea before it started shrinking. In any case, we should expect radio silence for the next day or two.

Continental Divide

2006-08-04T09:24:00.000-04:00

The latest word is that Team Newyorkistan and Team Globalisation Institute were at the border circa 9am (1am EDT), awaiting entry into Kazakhstan from Russia, and, by most reckonings, into Asia from Europe. Sadly, Dr. K and Sammy T (and their ukulele) had to stay behind in Astrakhan to wait for their visa to mature, but they intend to meet up at the northern end of the Aral Sea.

By all accounts, this next stretch will be difficult -- there aren't roads so much as rocky trails through the western Kazakh desert, and cellphone coverage is light, so we may have to wait a day or three for word from our stalwart convoy.

Lenin in the Post Office

2006-08-02T12:44:00.000-04:00

Writing to you from the last few minutes the Post Office is open here in central Volgograd. Today was a great day of sight seeing and hanging out. Lovely, lovely city it is here. Having a great time. An unfortunate dearth of Barry Manilow tapes though (my bright idea of taking itrip hardware backfired. Can't get it to work. Have been reduced to buying ukrainian pop music tapes in gas stations...). We're going to get back on the road in the morning - heading to Astrakhan with the lovely Team Globalisation Institute, and possibly Dr. K and Sammy T (they have a ukelele, and hence are very valuable to any convoy). I think what will be the much harder part of this trip lies ahead after tomorrow, when we hit the Kazakh border. Some teams are reporting difficulties towards Uzbekistan, and possibly avoiding the country entirely. I would be disappointed to not go there, but of course our decision will be guided by reason and as much information as we can gather. If anyone is trolling the Rally site and hears anything on this point, we'd love it if you'd send us an email - our internet access is spare, and we never end up having the time to do as much research as we'd like.

Anyway, in other news, Sarah Grafman was kind enough to post a link in a comment to our update interview with interview, which we did, like everything else we do, in a gas station parking lot. That particular one was somewhere north of Melitopol in Ukraine. Here is the link to the updated interview: http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=5593088

Have fun and we'll talk again soon...

Tuesday in Volgograd

2006-08-01T18:21:00.000-04:00

When we last left you, Paul and I were in Kiev. We were hoping to meet up with some other rallyers, and shortly after we posted to you, we did so. Since Sunday we have been in a convoy with Team Globalization Institute, and Dr. K and Sammy T, as well as a filmmaker covering the Rally. Rich, Anthony, K, Sam, Liam, Paul and I have been on the road since then. We have all made it into Volgograd today, and had the greatest showers of our lives tonight and some pretty damn good pizza. Especially considering that last night's digs was the lot behind an abandoned building somewhere outside of Rostov on Don.

This is from the start of the rally on July 22. I was so thankful that my family came and enjoyed the great time we had.

More startup hijinks. And great fashion.

I think this might be a photo of our most recent breakdown.

Proof that we have in fact caught up with Team Ramrod.

Team Globalization Institute. Ask them - what's the best country in the world?

Rolling Deep With Posse Into Kazakhstan

2006-08-01T12:41:00.000-04:00

A text message from Seattle-based Team Ramrod indicates that Team Newyorkistan is convoying with them, somewhere near the Russian/Kazakh border.

--Cheburashka

Black Sea Convoy

2006-07-31T09:40:00.000-04:00

Our intrepid Team's last report places them in convoy with several other teams on a southerly jaunt towards the Black Sea coast between Melitopol and Mariupol, in the general direction of Rostov-on-Don. Apparently, the clutch went out again, but was quickly fixed (such are the advantages of being in the middle of Lada-land).

UPDATE: I see that Melitopol and Mariupol are not on the Black Sea at all, but rather on the Sea of Azov. Apologies to all for the imprecision.

-- Cheburashka

More Mechanical Mishaps

2006-07-30T17:42:00.000-04:00

Latest report from the front:

Got in a convoy, car broke down again. Got towed at dawn, convoy moved on and now am awaiting repairs.

Triumph to despair to triumph again, all just another day's work for Team Newyorkistan, presumably somewhere east of Kiev.
-- Cheburashka

Raise your hand if you've been to five countries in one day

2006-07-29T09:40:00.000-04:00

Five countries in one day is, of course, old news for Paul and Audrey, who hauled ass through England, France, Belgium, Netherlands and part of Germany on 25 July. At the moment, we're in Kyiv, the capital of what is (in Paul's opinion) the most beautiful country in the world, Ukraine. It's verdant, cheap, and the people have been so good to us. Here's a few of the highlights of Ukraine:

-We got through the Ukraine border with almost no problem
-Shortly after arriving in L'viv - an absolutely beautiful, old city - we were greeted by Roman and Marta, a lovely couple who were more than happy to show us to Hotel George, where we stayed the night. (Roman and Marta, if you're reading this, be sure to email us!)
-We stayed at Hotel George, a grand old place suitable for a czar. Our room would have cost us like $500 a night back in New York.
-We saw the phrase "Space Inverters" spray painted on a garbage dump and agreed that, while Team Newyorkistan is a great name, Team Space Inverters is almost as good
-We went to a big, modern mall and saw ducks walk down a red carpet into the fountain and give a duck-show for the kids
-There are goats, cows, roosters, dogs, and various other animals all along (and sometimes in) the roads
-We stopped moving on a road shortly after leaving L'viv. This was scary because it was somewhat similar to the two times the clutch imploded and cost us a bundle to fix. However, the mitigating factors were a) no clutch smell and therefore no problem with the clutch b) locals who were able to get us moving again with little effort and c) any mechanic here can fix any problem on any Lada within like an hour. The part that cost us a small fortune to get replaced back in England was available at the corner store for a handful of hrvina (Ukrainian money)
-We went to the local auto repair shop and left the car for a couple of hours. The clutch was given a clean bill of health, but the mechanic did something so that the car is far less noisy than it had been...previously, it had been "can't hear the person next to you" loud...now it's loud but tolerably so.
-While the car was being looked at, Anton (who was called in by his father, the mechanic, for his good command of English so that we could tell them what was wrong with the car) and Sergei took us to a local eatery, where we had borscht and beer. It was delicious. Anton and Sergei were awesome and told us a bit of Zolochiv's history (Zolochiv, a city about 75 km outside of L'viv in western Ukraine) and gave us an insiders' look at everyday life in the most beautiful country in the world (Paul's opinion.)
-We got the roof rack welded on yesterday, which will enable carriage of extra fuel.
-I have to trim my moustache with scissors periodically.
-There are 24-hour flower and produce markets in larger towns and cities here, we've discovered.
-We bought two cassette tapes at a gas station - some kind of disco mix and "best of the 90s." One of the tapes had the song "Hands Up" on it, which I last heard circa 1990. I now fully realize how fruity that song truly is.
-We drove around Kyiv for like an hour looking for a place to use the Internet. We figured the large, modern mall would have Internet access. Not so. We drove around a bit more looking for the place that did have it, and trying to park (not easy.) We drove up and down curbs, over trolley tracks, and through roundabouts and half-roundabouts before we finally parked in a garage, where...
-WE FOUND OTHER RALLY CARS!!! There were three of them parked in the garage that we went into by chance. They were pointed out to us by Vladimir from Kazakhstan, the very helpful attendant. We now have to find the owners of those cars.
-Audrey and I are considering getting a tattoo (when we come back to NY of course) of "E40" - that's the road that runs from France to Kazakhstan. I will enjoy explaining, for the rest of my life, what the E40 is.
-I still need a suit/tuxedo for the End of Rally party in Ulaan Bataar. I know, I know, don't count your chickens...but I don't want to be there dressed like a schmuck (although Audrey says that I look neat and presentable in my handsome .travel shirt.)

Well then...let's find those other Rallyers so that we can convoy our way to UB!

-PH

Up and Running Again

2006-07-28T17:15:00.000-04:00

The car was fixed with the help of some friendly locals, no doubt enthralled by the combination of Audrey's college Russian and Paul's magnetic charisma. The Team is staying over in Rivne, about halfway between Lviv and Kiev and hope to reach Kiev by midday Saturday.

-- Cheburashka

Trouble in Zolochiv

2006-07-28T10:36:00.000-04:00

This terse but informative missive just arrived from Team Newyorkistan in the field.

our car broke down a few hours ago outside zolochiv - we're getting it repaired right now. some helpful folks are waiting upstairs.

more soon - will probably have to spend another night in lviv.

Zolochiv, as we all know, is about an hour east of Lviv.

-- Cheburashka

Lvivin' it Up

2006-07-27T15:44:00.000-04:00

Latest dispatch confirms that our courageous quarter-of-an-octet crossed the Ukrainian border without incident and have successfully reached L'viv! Will they enjoy coffee and pastry at Cafe Veronika? Will they marvel at the splendor of the Armenian Cathedral? Only time will tell, but, per the old saying, when in L'viv, do as the Leopolitans do!

-- Cheburashka

Empire State

2006-07-26T16:03:00.000-04:00

Here's a lovely e-mail received by Team Newyorkistan from a Mongolian well-wisher who met them at the Hyde Park launch on Saturday, along with a photo showing the author and our daring duo representing the great state of New York (and its somewhat kooky but nevertheless beloved flag):

Date: Jul 24, 2006 10:30 PM
Subject: Happy journey

Dear Audrey and Paul,

Here is a Mongolian guy, 'Logoo' is writing from London. I would like to express my thank you for participating in this event. I am sending you the picture taken with you.

I wish the road leading you to my country would be full of fun and adventure

I am looking forward to hearing from you about your adventure.

Yours

Logoo

-- Cheburashka

Germany: The Land of Smells

2006-07-26T15:35:00.000-04:00

From the mouths of babes, eh? Those were Paul's words as we made it through Germany last night. Beautiful countryside, made more beautiful by lots of manure. Similar in Poland we've found. But ok, to the point - after our rough start on the A2, we're back in this, in Wroclaw and heading to points east tomorrow. We were stopped briefly at the Polish border, but then again we really do look like a bunch of crackpots, and when you hear us coming, good lord it's awful. our car is incredibly loud and hot but amen thank you baby jesus there have not been any further troubles with it. We attempted to make it into Berlin last night but after about 14 hours of travelling - by taxi, ferry, and car, we threw in the towel, in a town called Holmstedt (I think?) and stayed at a lovely little family run hotel. Then we got right back in the car, and got mildly lost in Berlin, nearly hit someone outside of Wroclaw, and accumulated an unbelievable amount of water bottles in our car. We are hoping to get into Ukraine tomorrow - but after hearing that another team had a bribe demanded of them of thousands of USD - it may not happen as fast as we'd like. But then again, Paul and I keep good company and have lots of good books. and a tarp to set up if we need the shade. Wish us luck!

Rockin' on to Wroclaw

2006-07-26T11:28:00.000-04:00

Latest word is that Paul and Audrey have left Berlin behind and are now in Poland, nearing Wroclaw, aka the Lower Silesian City Formerly Known As Breslau, which happens to be the ancestral hometown of Your Humble Narrator. It's unclear whether they will forgo a stop in Krakow in favor of Wroclaw.

Per SMS reports from the front, other teams are encountering some resistance at the Ukrainian border. What adventures await our fearless foursome-divided-by-two and their loyal Lada? Stay tuned, dear reader!

-- Cheburashka

Autobahn

2006-07-25T17:30:00.000-04:00

Credible intercepted communications indicate that Team Newyorkistan was on the Autobahn nearing Ha(n)nover at about 11pm CET. They expect to arrive in Berlin very late indeed, where they will be greeted with a salad course by their overwhelmingly, unspeakably generous host, Frank. Three cheers for Frank!

After getting a bit of shuteye at Frank's and attending to some business (does anyone know a good place in Berlin to buy jerry cans, a.k.a. gas cans, a.k.a. Reservebenzinkanister?), our intrepid teammates intend to make for Krakow, then L'viv. Say, wasn't there was a writeup of L'viv in last weekend's Travel section?

-- Cheburashka

The Lada Has Landed!

2006-07-25T09:41:00.000-04:00

As of 2:30 pm local time (9:30 am in NY), an informant reports that Team NewYorkistan has landed on continental Europe. As you read this, they are speeding toward a planned stopover in Berlin, at the home of a friend of Audrey's boyfriend David. Further updates as events unfold.

LizardBreath

Coming Through In The Clutch

2006-07-24T18:47:00.000-04:00

Sources tell me that the part for the Lada's clutch has arrived, and Team-Newyorkistan may be heading for the ferry as early as 10am GST. From there, it's an hour and a half to Calais, and another nine or so to Berlin -- Germany by Tuesday!!

LizardBreath

HAPPY BIRTHDAY AUDREY!!!

2006-07-23T19:12:00.000-04:00

OK, so if you didn't know already, today is Audrey's birthday, and from what it sounds like, it was an interesting way to spend it. But I'm here to write about the days leading up to A's birthday. The day before the race, after a little mishap with the clutch, we helped Audrey and Paul pack and the documentary guys film some last minute shots. We were able to stuff six people and camera equiptment into a small room in the Abbeycourt Hotel, which has no air conditioning. It was fun anyway.

The next day, after a long stroll in Hyde Park, we finally found Team Newyorkitan's Lata. The car was fully packed and decked out with all the necessary decals, fake bullet holes included. We hung out with Audrey and Paul for a while , listening to lovely Mongolian folk music and then heard a speech from the Mongolian ambassador. It started to drizzle just after we finished writing little notes on the car to Audrey and Paul. And once it started to rain really hard, they called the first twenty cars to head off.

Good luck Audrey and Paul! We'll see you in a month!

Regina

How Not to Spend Your 28th Birthday

2006-07-23T13:40:00.000-04:00

I gotta say though, it's really not so bad. It's not Prague, but Paul and I are making the most of things. Attempting to walk to places that are not meant to be walked to (shopping malls off interstates) or, while walking to aforementioned shopping malls, being asked for - and being able to give - directions to places (I've been asked twice today where to find different stores in Thurrock). Paul and I have a plan for tomorrow, which is to head directly to Dynes Recovery Service/Garage and wait for our car. We have nowhere else to go, and we think that indicating that our car is our current raison d'etre, we need it done NOW. God willing it will be done by tomorrow evening, and then we can head to Dover and then to the continent. If all works, our plot may have changed a bit, and we'll head to Berlin rather than Prague (thanks to David's kind efforts on our behalf).

But the reason this seems a little fun is that we're conducting the same sort of anthropological investigating here in England as we hoped to in more exotic locales. For instance, yesterday evening, as Chris (a mechanic from Dynes) was kindly driving us to our hotel (in his luxurious Saab) he told us about 'Essex Girls' - who apparently were ruining the reputation of this part of England. Bleached blondes in short skirts who'd "drop their knickers for any bloke in sight". See - who knew? If you came to England, Essex is where you'd find your Long Island Lolitas. Or used to.

With love from Essex,
Audrey

I Was Not Wrong When I Said to Mayo That This Day Would Be Overwhelming

2006-07-22T18:12:00.000-04:00

Not least of which is because the start of the rally - lining up in the ring road at Hyde Park, was absolutely everything we could have hoped for - there were people there we'd waited so long to meet, cars we couldn't believe were being driven to Mongolia and both decked out in unbelievable getups (witness the Mongol Blues - who were dressed up, full on, as Jake and Elwood, in the nasty humid heat) or the team who drove a *hearse* - or the monkeytank, to which I am of course partial. Lorraine and Nina stood a humongous stuffed monkey toy (6') on their roof rack. Monkey! Some cars seemed primed for disaster - I was told that Team Pink Panda blew three tires on the *way* to the rally meet this morning. Shite!

It was absolutely wonderful fun - we had family and friends there - Jane and Jackie, Dan, Marianne, Ada Marie, Regina and Matt, who helped us prep our car and cheer us on - it was everything we could have wanted. Totally exhilirating. Pictures to follow as soon as possible. When Tom announced that the first twenty cars would hit the start, we were in that group - Paul hopped into the driver's seat just as it started to rain for the first time this week, and we peeled off. Paul was astounding - with 10 minutes driving experience in England he maneouvered his way through London with grace, following the team in front of us who thankfully had Welsh flags high on their car. Never been so damn thankful of a (literal) flag in all my life.

Then - thankfully - we made it onto the A2 - homefree to Dover, woohoo - no more city driving and then - and then - and then - nada. The car, which, as we all know, ain't perfect, took its bow in the middle lane of 50mph traffic on the A2. Paul's calm, I'm calm. And so is the clutch, which is ignoring the revving engine entirely, and refuses to engage. In what felt like hours, we attempted to get the car into even 1st gear and off to the shoulder. Nothing. Then - miraculously - a rally team (Nick and Anthony? - can't remember their team name) pulled up behind us, got out of their car. Nick stopped the traffic on the lefthand lane while Anthony pushed the car to the shoulder. With traffic thundering by (the shoulder of a 6 lane highway is really loud, actually - who knew?) we called AA (notice a theme here?) and Nick and Anthony stayed with us until it was clear AA was coming. So there we were. Four other teams (including the Mongol Blues) stopped along the way - despite us trying to wave them off, telling them we were ok - to check on us. Dozens of other teams honked and waved at us on the shoulder. I won't bore you with the details of us waiting on the shoulder of the A2 for 5 hours waiting to be towed, you can imagine, I'm sure. What I can tell you now is that the mechanic drove us to a hotel, and now, here we are, 60 miles outside of Dover. We hit the garage again Monday morning, where we get repairs done and soldier on. We're keen to hear how others have fared today in their travel - please let us know if you hear anything. And if you want to get in touch with us, feel free to call - my cell phone number is (for the next few days) 011 44 7818 080 563.

Wish us luck, and feel free to point and laugh. Last one to Mongolia is....

Rocky Start

2006-07-22T13:24:00.000-04:00

Reports from the front say that the NewYorkistan-mobile is down, twenty minutes after the start. Audrey and Paul are seeking out a mechanic, and will be back on track shortly. Further reports as information comes in.

Update: A mechanic has been located, and our fearless explorers are in for a relaxing couple of days hanging about England while the NewYorkistanmobile is being fixed.

LizardBreath

You know when you get a son stuck in your head,

2006-07-21T10:25:00.001-04:00

and your realize that it has something to do with the current situation you find yourslf in? Then you understand why I have that old (Smiths? Morrissey?) song that goes 'panic on the streets of london' - paul and i just took our first drive in the lada.

audrey

guest editor jane here: Well the first drive for Audrey and Paul. Audrey drives, the hotel parking lot is understruction,and comes complete with polish and russina men in steel towed work boots and shorts. No shirts and the looks and the laughts to make our first day of Audrey driving into a true experience. So off we go, Audrey gets the car into first,we stall, we stall again. London taxies honk, drive by and stay thing in languages we don't speak so we are spared the anguish of knowing what they said about us. Finally thought we get moving, not bad. We are off the parking lot, Audrey keeps saying I can't believe I am learnig how to drive on London streets. The light changes several times before we make it across the intersection but by then Audrey is ready.. Now when its really hot and tough and the car doesn't want to run or shift gears or do anything a car shoud so Audrey is set...She whips the car into first, just enough gas and clutch and off we sail down the London streets. Audrey is singing Leonard Cohen songs we change lanes, we pass a truck we pull back into the hotel lot. Audrey is glowing, sweat is poring off her. She makes the comment we should have a dedorant company sponser us..more on pauls adventure driving later..jane

picture, thousand words, etc.

2006-07-21T07:51:00.000-04:00

and this should be jane with one of our fabulous for-shore.com stickers on the car - woohoo! for all your jersey shore weed control needs!

and this should be a picture of jane and paul rolling up in the car to the hotel.

this is Paul and I at the Abbeycourt hotel. check it.

I'm Not Talking to You. Ask Newyorkistan What We're Doing.

2006-07-20T18:22:00.000-04:00

Is what Justin, of Team Ramrod, said tonight at dinner about reaching the point where you're so pissed off at your teammate you are no longer on speaking terms.* When inter-team relationships break down. Using a third party to communicate might prove effective, but I think that Jimmy Carter is off somewhere building houses or something.

And certainly, Paul and I have diametrically opposed elements of our personalities. Paul is a fly by the seat of his pants guy - someone willing to take risks and see how things turn out. I, on the other hand, am a ruthless planner - someone who needs to organized and to have anticipated and addressed problems before they arise. Will someone else please make the Oscar and Felix joke so I don't have to?

I have thought about this, and I anticipate the breakdown happening, but I've also thought about a way around it. I've told Paul many times, that I intend not to hold back, to tell him what I think, how I think the best way to operate will be, and he's super receptive to that. The kid can totally take a suggestion. And he himself is always coming up with great ideas. Let's just see if my idea works. I think it will.

*NB: there are absolutely no indications that Team Ramrod has reached that point yet.

I Want to Love You, PYT, Pretty Young Thing

2006-07-20T13:51:00.000-04:00

Whatever. If I can't think of a title for a post, whatever's stuck in my head is going right up there. And today I treat you to pre-weird Michael Jackson. I hope all is well back in the States. At the moment, I can report that Paul and Jane are just outside London, winding their way from the M1 to Hyde Park. This by itself indicates that the car is drivable, although in the words of David Mayo, 'having seen their car, Newyorkistan are going to finish the first day with legs cramping, ears bleeding and blurry vision.' Says quite enough, doesn't it? I look forward to meeting the Mayos, and all else, tomorrow night at the party. Be there or be square...

Backseat Drivers' Club To The Rescue!

2006-07-20T09:21:00.000-04:00

Or at least to the linkfinding. The Daily News' article on our intrepid duo is here.

I'll be posting text-messaged updates on Team NewYorkistan's progress through the course of the rally, if everything goes as planned.

LizardBreath

Kreplackistan, ho!

2006-07-20T08:48:00.000-04:00

How can so many things be wrong with so short a statement? Whatever. I'm here to report to you that Paul Hanson and Jane Matthews have trekked up to Stoke on Trent to pick up our car. God willing. I really, truly believe that Jane is going to put the hurt on them if they string us along 10 minutes longer. Jackie and I are putting together the last minute car paperwork details, Prague hostel details, and most importantly pink tupperware details. We shall report back as events warrant.

In the meantime, we can tell you that if you've picked up a copy of today's Daily News, you'll find a great story written about us and the rally by Julian Kesner. Nice work Julian. It's also available online, but I haven't found the link. If our Backseat Driver blogger wants to post it here, please do so...

Additional details on press to come. Interesting stuff in the works from over here.

the cell phone spaz.

2006-07-19T13:31:00.000-04:00

Travelling has turned me into *that guy*. That annoying, fumbling, totally unsuave individual who can't walk on the correct side of the sidewalk and more importantly, has not yet figured out how the hell to turn down that unbelievably annoying ringtone on his phone. Yep, that's me. But i'm fighting the good fight. Hoping to change that aspect of me pretty soon. It's been a full day of activity - we started the day with no insurance, no tax disc, and most importantly, no pink tent. At the end of the day, we have all three. Under the dictat of the fearless leader (that would be me) there is now a moratorium on all camping goods that are not pink. This is my way of punishing Paul for not having the car ready on time. Jane, Jackie and I purchased all pink (and/or childrens') goods at the Woolworths earlier this afternoon. Pink tupperware, pink garbage bags, etc. Also, for the Matthews' women who are out there, I can report to you that we have purchased from our new favorite store (Superdrug, with the 75p shampoo) all goods necessary to have a girls' weekend. Or at least, a girls' Wednesday night.

In other news, while I was waiting on line to buy the tax disc at the post office I noticed that they sell romance novels there. But more interestingly, the racial component of the romance novel seems rather strong, as evidenced by the titles that were for sale. For instance, there was "Having the Frenchman's Baby", which is at least better than "Having the Frenchmen's Baby", which would just be gross. There were others, too, such as "At the Greek Tycoon's Bidding", or the one at the discount rack, which just said "Screwing an Arab."

With love from London*
Audrey

* This offer does not apply to Greek tycoons, Texas oil barons, Russian oligarchs or the Sultan of Brunei. Taxes may apply. Void where prohibited.
**This offer applies with additional force to Jane Matthews. You might have thought, because she's your sister or your mom, that she rocks, but let me tell you, she's gone above and beyond for us. Seriously.

'We're all borderline retarded'

2006-07-19T07:47:00.000-04:00

I'm reporting to you live from the lobby of the Abbey Court Hotel, where currently, Jane Ellen Matthews is putting her bill collecting strongarming phone skillz to use on Team Newyorkistan's behalf. We are, as you might suspect, in some hot water. Had to happen. It turns out that our car is *still* being repaired. Or, in fact, is still awaiting the front differential piece for the car. In Stoke on Trent. And it won't be ready, at the earliest, until tomorrow. Thursday. The day before the day before the rally. And you all know that face I make when I'm Not Pleased. So you can imagine the fun everyone is having. Also, today is the hottest day in London. ever. In its recorded history.* I'm waiting to hear back from the insurance company about coverage, and to head over to the post office to get a tax disc for the car. Keep your fingers crossed for us.
audrey

*But also, thanks to Jane, we are the only room in the hotel with a fan.

You learn something new every day

2006-07-19T07:04:00.000-04:00

Well, yesterday I learned that Woolworth's still exists here in England...didn't it die out years ago? It's like some kind of living fossil. Well, fortunately, they have all kinds of stuff we need, everything from cheap cookware to a little pink tent just big enough for two people.

At the current time, we're chasing down insurance and the car, which is still under the care of mechanics in a little town closer to Wales than to where we are right now. This is AWESOME. More later.

PH

and if we were fat, we wouldn't make it in here

2006-07-18T18:32:00.000-04:00

and with those words, Jane let it be known that our hotel room was *small*. But for real, small beats nonexistant like rock beats scissors. The four of us - Paul, Jackie, Jane and I are camped out at a hotel in Hyde Park, attempting to get things ready for the Saturday morning start of the Rally. Tomorrow will be long but hopefully we'll get a lot done - we need insurance for the car, a tax disc and have to pick up the car itself. From somewhere called Stoke on Trent. And finally, there is the purchase of the pink tent. From Woolworth's. There's clearly so much wrong with that, I don't even know where to start. But as it's been a long day of travelling and eating I probably ought to hit the sack. More soon.

Holy Last Minute Preparation

2006-07-16T23:32:00.000-04:00

Less than a week until the rally starts. there is much still to be done, but tonight I wanted to make sure to pass on the link to the NPR/Weekend All Things Considered interview. It was on the air today, and you can listen to it here: http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=5561410

Holy Schnike!

2006-07-14T16:14:00.000-04:00

Why, at this moment, do I feel the need to quote Tommy Boy? Don't know. What I do know is that I feel violently caffeinated, despite not having had a whole lotta coffee today. All I know is, I'm feeling good. Wrapping up work, hoping I haven't forgotten too much stuff in the way of prep work, and generally being really excited about everything to come.

I had lunch today with an attorney I used to work with. She may be guest-blogging for us here at some point while we're on the road. Besides being a great lawyer and all-around helpful, she is bent on sending us off on the rally with one tool in particular. An axe. She's convinced we're going to need it. I truly hope that nowhere en route will I have to fell a tree, but hey, that's just the kind of cracked out story I hope to bring home with me from this trip.

Any additional (peaceful) uses you all can think of for this axe, including where we might store it without causing damage to ourselves or our car, will be much appreciated.

Audrey

The Route, More Specifically.

2006-07-12T15:00:00.000-04:00

Paul -

Some notes on things from back home. We have not stopped preparing for the Rally, even though there are many social obligations and work requirements to attend to. Therefore, it was at 10:30 last night that John Lundin and I spread out the maps of Central Asia on the conference room table at work, and plotted a route through Central Asia. And the places that come before. But not the places that come after. Because we don't know whether we'll be taking the Tsangannuur border crossing from Russia into Mongolia, or driving north to Lake Baykal and then south into Mongolia through the Selenge Aimag (aimag = province in Mongolian). But, just to let you know where we're at, this is what John and I came up with:

ENGLAND
London
Dover

FRANCE
Calais

BELGIUM
yeah yeah yeah

GERMANY
why stop in germany?

CZECH REPUBLIC
Prague

POLAND
krakow

UKRAINE
lviv
kiev

RUSSIA
volgograd
astrakhan

KAZAKHSTAN
Altyrau
Qandyaghash
Embi
Shalqar
Qyzylorda
Shymkent

UZBEKISTAN
Tashkent
Jizzakh (I did not make that up)
Samarkand
Berkabad
Khudhzhand
Qoqand
Namangan
Uchqorghan

KYRGYZSTAN
Bishkek

KAZAKHSTAN
Almaty

and then north into Siberia - but where?! We'll let you know as soon as we do...

Thoughts about London

2006-07-12T10:18:00.000-04:00

Audrey, here are a few advisories about London:

-> Press the button on the door when you want to get on or off the train. Unlike the LIRR, the doors don't all open, so if you don't press the button while it is lit, you'll stand there looking American and all the English people will laugh at you (politely, of course...but still, they will laugh.)

-> It is so flippin' expensive here, it isn't even funny. We've gotten by on not much money, thanks to the generous assistance of teams Mongolian Taxi Service and Operation Panda, as well as our own cleverness in finding the occasional bargain. (We're nothing if not clever.)

-> "Pound" used to mean something; namely, an avoirdupois pound of sterling silver; nowadays, it means a funny-looking coin made out of cheap metal that makes a dull thud when you drop it. We may be two nations divided by a common language, but we are united by increasingly worthless money, brought about by the wonders of central banks. (Note that this comment has no practical relevance to the Rally, it's just Paul's musings.)

Seeya soon, Audrey!

Hugs and kisses,

Paul

As English as the Queen

2006-07-11T16:19:00.000-04:00

Here we are still in Peterborough, seeing the sights of a town where the twelfth century doesn't feel so distant. Today Jackie and I visited Peterborough Cathedral, an absolutely gigantic marvel located not far from where Tim of Operation Panda lives. Buried there is Catherine of Aragon, first wife of Henry VIII and a woman who was apparently loved by all. The whole thing is just so remarkably historic, I can't really put it across in a blog, a means of communication that is decidedly 21st century.

Also in Peterborough is a three-way bridge. I can't really describe that, either, so just search for a picture of it. The thing is trippy.

Exciting possibility: I have emailed the secretary of Baron Jeffrey Archer, a former Minister of Parliament and leader of the Conservative party; he has also put out a number of bestselling novels. Through the good offices of Baron Archer's son, William, there is a possibility of Team Newyorkistan meeting him; it would be an honor and a privilege to meet such a major figure of British politics, and I'm hoping to hear from them soon.

As for Audrey...well, she's getting here pretty soon. It will be great when she does; I'll finally get to see Audrey the World Traveler...who is nowhere to be found on the average day in the office.

Also, I'm trying to grow a beard, but it's pretty itchy, so I might abandon the whole thing. Perhaps instead I'll wear an eye-patch.

PH

Thought ya might like to know...

2006-07-10T19:17:00.000-04:00

Well, Paul and Jackie are staying with Tim Norris of Operation Panda, up in Peterborough, a beautiful and positively medieval (in a good way) part of England. Today's activities included walking through an abbey that dates from the seventh century, marveling at one of the UK's largest cathedrals, and playing "Da Vinci Code," a very fun board game that is probably being sued for copyright infringement.

Well, the thing that I thought "ya might like to know" is about how Operation Panda, and probably quite a few others, found out about the Mongol Rally. Well, it was via Wikipedia; much like every other conceivable topic, the Rally has an article there, providing the gist of the event and a few links. Hmmmm...the Wikipedia article on the Mongol Rally. Who started that? (Hint: go to the "history" tab on the top of the article - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mongol_Rally - I'll give you a minute.)

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, if you go back a couple of dozen edits to 15 August 2005, you will find that the article was created by some guy known as "PaulHanson" thank you very much.

Check out Operation Panda's site, www.operationpanda.co.uk . These guys seem to know what they're doing...their Panda is loaded up and just about ready to go. Over a few proper English pints today, we mused about how an imminent trip to Mongolia has become routine to all of us...good to know I'm not the only one. Tomorrow we're off to scavenge some extra parts for their chariot...it will be fun and educational.

-PH

***POSTSCRIPT*** They sell beer here in two-litre plastic bottles...which is effing ridiculous.

Hopefully it's less humid in Ulaanbataar

2006-07-10T16:36:00.000-04:00

My desk right now seems to be evenly divided between objects relevant to my work, and those relevant to the rally. the stack of NY Jur is as high as the maps of Mongolia, which I received this morning (but have yet to open). There's also, in a bag marked "Islam Fashion", a hijab that my boyfriend bought me on Saturday. Apparently, he was strolling down Atlantic Avenue, on his way to visit friends, when he saw a store selling all manner of observant Muslim's womens fashions, and so stopped in, and asked for a run of the mill hijab. I will post pictures of me in my lovely new scarf as soon as I finish drafting this petition.

And there it is - attempting to finish up work on a variety of cases and still get all the last minute prep done for the rally. Yesterday was spent further practicing the art of driving a stick shift (with the most patient and helpful teacher ever - Ed Matthews) and tomorrow should see an early morning run to the Chinese consulate for an expedited visa.

I've been trying to use this little expedition to change the part of my personality that desperately wants to be prepared for every little contingency - to try to become a little more easygoing and fly by the seat of my pants. Maybe that will happen yet.

You Mayo may not be aware...

2006-07-07T20:39:00.000-04:00

...that I am staying at the home of David Mayo (of Mongolian Taxi Service) in the borough of Surrey. That's right...England. Paul has landed. This is the real deal. A brief photo tour of my experiences so far:

Dave and Paul.

Stuff that Dave has in his garage, ready to be loaded into his car (note that the roof racks belong to Team Newyorkistan; after disavowing any liability, Virgin Atlantic reluctantly accepted them as checked luggage.)

Paul at the Staines train station, flashing the West-Side sign.

The proper English home at which Paul is staying.

So far, it's been quite a time - getting to see the English countryside is by itself worth the trip. Two teams - Newyorkistan and Mongolian Taxi Service - have been able to help each other out in major ways. With the combined brain-power of Dave and Paul, our chances of getting to Mongolia exceed 100% (how is that possible? Just take my word...it is.) He's a fine bloke, that Dave, and I consider it an honor to go on this journey with him as part of the Kamchatka Konvoy (note to everyone: Paul/Audrey, Dave/his dad Tony, and whomever else joins us in convoy, will be collectively known as the Kamchatka Konvoy.)

And finally, one more piece of information before I head off to bed in preparation for tomorrow (which will be the day on which we Get The Car!!) Seeing as how we will be setting up camp each night on this trip, it is only proper that each camp has a fitting name. Therefore, our camps are tentatively known as:

Camp Matthews
Camp David (for the many Davids involved here, but mostly for the ones surnamed Roofeh, who are two of the nicer guys you are ever likely to meet.)
Camp Frederick
Camp Lundin
Camp Dianne
Camp Rutherford
Camp Tweedy
Camp Marcus

...are you seeing a pattern? If you sponsored us, then (in addition to adorning our car) a spot halfway around the world will bear your name for all time! Those, of course, are only a few of the names we've designated...keep a lookout for further updates (as always.)

Much, much, much more to come.........

London Calling....

2006-07-05T01:13:00.000-04:00

...and it's now after 1 a.m. on the Day Paul Flies To London. This is huge, folks. The Mongol Rally is imminent. Over the last few days, I have had the privilege of being surrounded by friends and family who have heaped upon me nothing but warm wishes and support. Oh, how I shall miss everyone. And oh, how my head is spinning. Well, anyway, a nice sendoff helps with the stress and anxiety.

The whole lot of you, you're the greatest.

Some readers of this fine blog may be asking, "what is Audrey going to do while Paul is gone?" Truth be told, I don't really even know. I do know, however, that she must have found something very funny.

The next time you all hear from me, I'll be in London.......

PH

The people who make life worth living...

2006-07-01T11:51:00.000-04:00

...are the people who came to Verlaine on Thursday night. You are all fantastic...and fun...and wacky, just like us. Entire families came to revel with the Team, as did several folks who heard about us via the enormous amount of publicity that we've been the subject of. With lots of people, lots of fine spirits, and lots of fun, the night was a major success. A complete list of Backseat Drivers' Club members/supporters is forthcoming; you will all be aptly recognized.

And, as I promised several of you, I promise that you will receive a middle-of-the-night call from Paul and Audrey. I further promise that you will be cursing the widespread and cheap availability of international telephone service.

So, Backseat Drivers, we want to hear from you...constantly. Send us emails. Tell us about whatever. We're going to be away from home for quite a while - we're going to need a bit of home sent to us electronically from all of you. You are all vitally important. You don't think the Backseat Drivers' Club is just a mark of prestige, do you? No! It's prestige, of course, but it's also the obligation to be a morale booster and a carrier of the wild enthusiasm that the Mongol Rally is flooding the land with.

And, finally...what is Paul doing at the moment? A better question would be, what is Paul's mother doing at the moment. The answer is: being diligent and finding out about the malaria pills that I will be taking for when we pass through Uzbek- and Kyrgyz- stans. Mom, you're awesome. She catches all that stuff, like prevention of deadly disease, that all too often falls through the cracks.

FOUR DAYS UNTIL PAUL LEAVES! Oh, boy....ooohhhh boy.

PH

Where's Paul-O?

2006-06-29T15:18:00.000-04:00

So, Paul is out wandering the streets of Manhattan, up to God Knows What, and I'm back at work. I expect Paul to look suitably dapper this evening when you all come out to join us for drinks, and then whatever the night devolves into.

We'll tell you later on, but I can give you the heads up right now - the Matthews Family *still* coming through for us - a GPS device and GSM phone are on their way up to New York from Baltimore, a loan from Jochen, Kiowa's sister Raven's boyfriend. And this weekend, I'm-a go out for a spin with Kiowa's uncle Ed and Aunt Patty (and hopefully Molly) to fine tune my stick shift driving abilities.

We think we have some surprises for you tonight - I hope we come through for you all. And if you ask, we'll tell you that NPR's Debbie Elliott is a lovely lady and conducts a fine interview.

Tonight, tonight...

2006-06-29T10:20:00.000-04:00

It is now a mere nine hours before the Team Newyorkistan Backseat Drivers' Extravaganza!! Today is a full day for the Team, what with an interview planned for 1 p.m. and all the other stuff that is associated with the days immediately preceeding the Rally. Great things are happening for us, and tonight will be a celebration of it all...here's a few reminders and things to think about:

*Come early!! The fun starts at 7 p.m.!
*Easy parking, so don't hesitate to drive, so long as you've designated a Frontseat Driver for the way home (because needless to say the booze is going to flow tonight.)
*Bring tchotchkies!! There is probably annoying stuff around your house that would make a Kazakh's day - Team Newyorkistan wants to have plenty of stuff to give away to everyone we meet along the way to serve as a token of friendship between our culture and theirs. Anything New York or U.S. related is a plus.
*You are part of something huge. Revel in your awesomeness.

Should anyone have any questions/concerns, feel free to ring Paul's mobile phone, 516 659 0689.

See you all tonight!!!!!!!!!!

PH

How does Paul feel right now?

2006-06-27T10:43:00.000-04:00

Some of you are probably asking..."gee, Paul, you must be all, like, nervous and worried and all. How do you feel?" That's a pretty valid question. (People are probably asking Audrey the same thing - but with her it's obvious - her iron will is unmistakable; if she's nervous or pensive, she isn't showing it.)

Well, anyway, the way I feel right now is probably very similar to the way I felt when this picture was taken:

That's me in the poorly-fitting green jumpsuit. Below us is the great state of New Jersey. The guy tightly strapped to me is someone who knows lots more than I do about skydiving.

So I'm kinda feeling the same way as I felt on that chilly day, circa November 2004.

If you are not convinced that I am in fact the guy in the green jumpsuit - you think I'm just being a drama queen by using someone else's skydiving picture - here's the proof:

I don't show that picture often...for obvious reasons. I am happy to report, though, that I've lost about 15 lbs. since then. Fortunately, I don't have to wear a poorly fitting jumpsuit on the Rally.

So yeah, that's how Paul is doin'.

PH

Twelve days

2006-06-24T23:36:00.000-04:00

The Rally itself might start in about a month - actually, a month minus two days - but for Pablo, the morning of July 5th will be the beginning of the Final Planning Phase (FPP), i.e. when I leave for London. (I have to thank Audrey for reminding me about the whole "buy a ticket to London, idiot" thing.) On the morning after the 230th anniversary of our nation's independence, I will honor the memory of my great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandfather, John Lefferts (who was a lieutenant in Washington's army and later a Congressman), by traveling to the seat of the British Empire. (Yes, that's "Lefferts," as in "Lefferts Boulevard." No, I did not make that all up.)

And so, on the morning of July 5th, I will "jump the pond" on the wings of Virgin Atlantic; that evening I will land, full of energy and complimentary wine, at Heathrow Airport. Once there, I will begin crossing off the many items on our "to-do" list - get the car, put sponsors' names all over said car, and probably sleep in the car, among many, many other things.

Audrey and I are discussing the aformentioned "to-do" list; I won't bore you with it, but suffice to say, it's long. I of course will document every step of the way via digital photography once I get there.

And now a word about The Party.

The Party is taking place on June 29th. These people, Paul and Audrey, are driving...right, you probably know that part by now. Well, if you're reading this, then there is a good chance you're coming to Verlaine on Thursday the 29th. And there's also a good reason why you are coming that night. It's because you're a friend or loved one of Paul or Audrey or both. It's because you want to share in the incredible buzz that is surrounding Team Newyorkistan. It's because you want a piece of the incredible aura generated by going on a wacky road trip for charity. There are many reasons why you will be there, and all good ones. This bar can hold about 150 to 170 people; I think that we are going to fill it up. Everyone there - every single person - will be part of the Team Newyorkistan family ("Backseat Drivers," we like to call them.) You're going to be with us on the 29th, and you're going to be with us from July 22nd until the moment we reach Ulan Bataar, because you're all part of the adventure.

Long story short, it's going to be huge, so don't miss it.

PH

One Month and One Day

2006-06-21T20:15:00.000-04:00

Until we stand, proudly, stupidly, at Hyde Park in London, with 398 people who are just as damn fool crazy as we are, in our tricked out mashina of choice (as I mentioned to Paul [and a reporter] this morning, I think our car should be pimped a la the cab driver in the wonderful Almodovar film "Women on the Verge of A Nervous Breakdown" - trimmed with lights and dancing hula girls and fringe around the interior ceiling).

We've reached a stage where a lot of the longer term planning issues have been addressed for us - Got the time off of work, Paul and I have been vaccinated, we've got car issues under control [partially], plane tickets to London, insurance purchased, a ferry crossing to France, international driving permits and our last visa will be finished for us on the 30th. Which leaves us with every little last goddamn thing we have to pack and take with us. There's a bit of a personality problem for me in doing this rally. I get paid to be on top of things. To make sure that nothing goes wrong and that I've anticipated and addressed problems before they happen. Like that could ever possibly be accomplished here. What in the good Lord's name am I doing, trying to plan for this?

So when you see the frantic looking woman on the 2/3 in the morning, one half of her collar standing up, hearing transcripts sticking out of her already crammed shoulder bag, pen-in-mouth, attempting to digest "Russian in 10 Minutes a Day!" Say hi. You'll know it's me.

Grand Theft Auto

2006-06-21T20:11:00.000-04:00

This was posted the other day on the Mongol Rally Forum - when I saw the picture I spat out my coffee, so I thought I'd share it with the four people who read our blog.

If we're not careful where we park...

I believe the original post came from the Mongol Blues Team, whose website can be found at: http://www.mongolblues.co.uk

Very Important Details

2006-06-18T21:16:00.000-04:00

As a random gift for us, and for our car, my brother David gave us these - decal stickers of bullet holes for our car. Straight outta East New York!

In just 14 days...

2006-06-15T12:05:00.000-04:00

...we will convene the Second Grand Assembly of Backseat Drivers and Newyorkistan Enthusiasts. This event is also known as "the fundraiser" or simply "the event." It has a grandiose official title because it's going to be a grandiose event. The level of excitement is high and Verlaine is just the kind of place where you would want to be on an early summer night in Manhattan.

Some details for y'all: firstly, parking is (unlike everywhere else in Manhattan) very, very easy. That's because there's a municipal parking lot almost right next to Verlaine. It's about $3 an hour, which is what I would call a steal. So, combined with the proximity to the Williamsburg Bridge, arriving by car will be a viable option.

Secondly, the event starts at 7, and the more Backseat Drivers we can get to fill up the place early, the better. Verlaine is still open to The Public on June 29th. However, we want to make it so that any member of The Public who enters is overwhelmed by our presence and switches teams from "The Public" to "The Backseat Drivers." What I'm saying is, get there early (you won't regret it.)

And finally, a bit of a preview of Verlaine itself. It doesn't have the rustic karaoke bar feel of Winnie's - this place is of a different character. Verlaine is a place that is very cool but not overpriced, and has a slick, trendy decor without inviting pretentiousness. Basically, the perfect place for a classy bunch like all you Backseat Drivers. It's somewhat bigger than Winnie's, but the Club is expanding by leaps and bounds, so it might end up being occupied territory of the Backseat Drivers' Club for the night. (Verlaine is located at 110 Rivington Street, between Ludlow and Essex - http://newyork.citysearch.com/profile/11652224/new_york_ny/verlaine.html)

I hope all of you are as excited as I am. In terms of getting to meet a whole lot of really awesome people, as well as just plain fun, this is going to be a night to remember.

PH

Three Modes of Transport - check!

2006-06-07T23:33:00.000-04:00

Everybody loves to check something off their to do list. And on my to do list today was “book a ferry crossing from England to France”. And so it is done. If there are any other rallyers out there, we’ll be on the 18:05 Dover to Calais ferry – in fact, we’ll be on this honking mofo of a ship – the PRIDE OF BURGUNDY! (see above) I’m really hoping I can get my dad a sailor’s hat from the ship. His is all crusty and old. However, word on the street is that the Technomads (another American team, from MA), as a group of engineers, is going to fashion a raft for themselves. By lashing together a group of supermodels to float the car to the continent.

Perhaps more intriguing than the Pride of Burgundy (and really, does it get more interesting?) is the fact that Mongolia, landlocked country though it is, has a navy. How beautiful is that, people? The Mongolian NAVY. You know we’ll be checking that shit out. As we read on someone’s else’s website, the Mongolian Navy is described as having “three boats, two guns and one engine among them”. Come on people. You LOVE that.

Reminder #1 - Or Subodai Will Hurt You.

2006-06-02T18:28:00.000-04:00

I'm going to take this opportunity to remind you all - June 29, 7:00pm(ish), at Verlaine - a bar at 110 Rivington Street in Manhattan. Be there, and we promise it'll be even stupider than last time. If you have any questions, email us at mongolrally06@gmail.com

Wherever there's a tow truck, there's a tow truck guy

2006-05-30T01:13:00.000-04:00

At approximately 15:00 today, the Justy (pictured) was taken to an undisclosed location on a tow truck that was operated by a tow truck guy (also pictured, left).

Once it reaches its destination (which I can't reveal to you - undisclosed, remember), the following modifications will be made, one of which is not facetious:

-Armor. A protective layer will be added that is not only superlight (preserving our excellent gas mileage) but, according to DoD specifications, is impervious to a .30-06 round at ten meters.
-On-board electronics and telemetry. Available to the driver of the car, as well as its support crew at the aforementioned undisclosed location, will be the following: engine temperature, fluid levels, altitude, velocity, body temperature, and the location of all metallic objects within a kilometer.
-Brakes. Will enable driver to arrest the vehicle's movement should such a need arise.

I don't really need to tell you that there is no stopping us.

In unrelated news, Paul and Audrey will be submitting respective 200-hour-long music playlists to an arbitration committee. Their decision is, of course, final (because that's how arbitration works.) Paul has been advised that inclusion of "Mambo Number 5" more than three or four times is, in the words of a pre-arbitration consultant, "really pushing her buttons for no good reason."

I now own a car I have never seen.

2006-05-25T16:15:00.000-04:00

So, Team Ramrod wants to know how we acquired a car for the Rally. Paul, I don't want to take you away from your appointed duties of turning the car into the unstoppable force in question, I'll try and answer Patrick's question.

Some dude gave it to us!

For real - we're sitting there one day, and Paul gets the word from on high (or maybe his Dad) that some dude out on the Island wants to *donate* a car to us for use in the Rally. As it is my role in this endeavor to play Bad Cop at all times, I had look sternly at Paul (over the phone) and say, "hmm, don't know if that's a good idea," and it's Paul's role in this endeavor to go "WE'VE GOT A CAR!!!!!!!!!!" and be, generally, Mr. Bright Side. And also, Mr. Elbow Grease. Because what happened next is rather outstanding. Paul and Mr. Hanson (father of Paul) went to check out le automobile, found it to be in good condition, and provisionally accepted the kind offer of the Gentleman (who is an acquaintance of the Hansons). But that was only hurdle #1. Then came the paperwork we lacked - namely, the signature of the current owner of the car (who had to be tracked down) and then battle the DMV and insurance industry bureaucracy to make it happen. Which Paul did. For, like, three whole days. And then, voila, we have the car. Which of course we need to now have shipped to England (which may be Reason #1 for Fundraiser #2). But the car itself remains shrouded in mystery - I'll let Paul tell the world about our ride.

We are currently accepting offers to pimp the aformentioned ride. Call us to make your pitch.

Some cars you can stand on, some you cannot

2006-05-25T14:48:00.000-04:00

We still haven't been inside a car together, Audrey and I, but we did sit/stand on one together, which is just as much fun. (However, getting good pictures out of it is not as easy as one would think.) Anyway, speaking of cars, the one that is going to Mongolia is now legally propery of Ms. A. A. Roofeh and under the care of Gerry Hanson, the Team's Chief Mechanic. That car, we can stand on top of as much as we feel like (and will do just that.)

The Backseat Drivers' Club meeting is shaping up to be a hell of a time. I predict a packed house. I do sincerely hope that Mr. Gal, and everyone else from Mongolia's diplomatic corps, is in attendance.

I would write a much longer entry but we must go retrieve the car. In many ways, the Rally begins the moment we hit the Southern State Parkway to get the car to where it will be prepared and transformed into an unstoppable force.

Pictures coming soon.

PH

We'll give you $10 if you let those two people stand on top of your cab

2006-05-24T23:07:00.001-04:00

And today I post to inform you, the reader, of what you might encounter when you are four months into preparation for your trip to Mongolia, and have just under two months to go.

First, you might find yourself having a difficult time typing, because the dip/tet/pertussis shot you got in your left arm (get the shot in your non-writing arm, buddy!) has left you somewhat gimpy for a day or two. The Hep A and Hep B shots were minor, and the oral typhoid medication is just plain fun (there is currently live typhoid virus [in the form of pills] in our refrigerator at home!) (note to Chris - it's on top of the gouda on the top shelf)

But that's something we've experienced, whether or not we remember from childhood. And what this ridiculousness is about, for me, anyway (and you, when you decide to take your own version of the Mongol Rally) is the chance to give yourself into a situation where things you never thought could happen to you, will most certainly happen. For me, I never thought that I would ever (a) ask someone to marry me so that I could travel through an Islamic theocracy by car; and (b) GET REJECTED! But it happened. (and screw you, buddy!) And then today. At about 5:00pm this afternoon, I found myself (along with Paul) standing on top of a yellow cab in a BP station on 10th Avenue and 37th Street (after having bought off the cabbie to allow us to do so) having pictures taken by a photographer for a magazine, while getting cat called by the folks hanging out at the gas station. This was not on the top of my list of things I ever thought I would do. But there you go, it's done.

I don't know. Maybe something exciting can happen for everyone involved here. We really like the idea of being New York's team in the Rally. All New Yorkers can take pride (or laugh at us) as being their own. And on that note, we invite you all out there to our final Team Newyorkistan event before we leave for Mongolia. Our final fundraiser event will be held on Thursday, June 29, 2006, at Verlaine, a lovely little bar (but bigger than Winnie's) on Rivington Street in Manhattan. Here's a link to the review on Citysearch:
http://newyork.citysearch.com/profile/11652224/new_york_ny/verlaine.html

More info to come, but that's what you should write on the Subodai you printed out and stuck to your fridge.

We'll give you $10 if you let those two people stand on top of your cab

2006-05-24T23:07:00.000-04:00

Meeting of the Team Newyorkistan Backseat Drivers Club

2006-05-22T15:29:00.000-04:00

You all are now on notice - the first official meeting of the Team Newyorkistan Backseat Drivers Club/bar night/bon voyage to Team Newyorkistan is on for Thursday, June 29th, 2006, at a location TBA, possibly DBA (if they know what's good for em).

However, just like that cute little cartoon tooth your dentist sent you, stick this one on the fridge to remind yourself that you have an appointment Thursday, June 29th, around 7:30pm, at a bar somewhere in Manhattan. And be sure to invite your dentist.

(Note: picture of Subodai the Warrior to be printed out, and scrawled on "6/29/06 - Mongol Rally Meeting", and stuck to fridge, bulletin board, inside of locker, etc.)

Big news

2006-05-20T13:30:00.000-04:00

...is coming soon. Really, really, really big news. And big pictures to accompany the news.

PH

Accomodations

2006-05-16T00:10:00.000-04:00

One might find themselves wondering: What, exactly, is located at 113 Baitursynov Street, Almaty? (Almaty, to bring the uninformed among you up to speed, is in Kazakhstan. It's either the capital or used to be the capital...whatever.)

Well, the answer to that question isn't really that much of a surprise. At that address, you will find the Best Eastern Astana International Hotel.

Best Eastern. Really.

I'll let the reader take a look at the hotel and what it offers - http://reservations.hotel.com.au/hotel/10010622-11278305O.html?lang=ENG&header=hotel . I gave it a look, and frankly, I can't wait to stay there. This is in contrast to Audrey, who was less than charitable in her assessment. Let's take a look at what a guest at the Best Eastern Astana is in for:

*On-premises bowling. Personally, I think the place should be billed as a bowling alley with on-premises hotel rooms. Excellent feature that appeals to the Jeffrey Lebowski in all of us.
*Breakfast buffet. I don't know what they serve, or if it's edible, but there huge eagle centerpiece makes for an attractive decor. Some would scoff at such a thing, even go as far as to call it "tacky." I think it's a perfect compliment to Kazakh food, which is to say, it's a bit harsh.
*Pets. They're allowed, which means that once Team Newyorkistan rolls into town, we're adopting a stray and letting him live it up with us at the Best Eastern. (What can I say, we're caring people.)

Audrey, really, it might not be the Plaza, but it's probably a whole lot nicer than the Howardski Johnsonovich.

PH

People, we meet people...

2006-05-11T17:58:00.000-04:00

Yesterday saw two additions to the list of people who I have met solely because I am half of Team Newyorkistan. It's already been a diplomat, a filmmaker who is part of the British nobility, and a bunch of kinda messed-up businessmen. To this list I can add Josh the Journalist and David, the..friend of Audrey. I hope that both will be at our next event.

Speaking of which, we're having another event, and it will be like the first ("what I hope my wedding reception will be like" is the way Audrey described it) except outdoors and with slightly less singing and few, if any, messed-up businessmen. Suggestions are welcome; I humbly offer my backyard, complete with pool and barbecue, but frankly, nobody wants to come out to the suburbs...just to hang out at my house. So, we'll probably avail ourselves of one of New York City's beautiful parks, in which we will have the Team Newyorkistan Ultimate Frisbee Tournament (me and Audrey are captains; my first pick is her brother David) and, I guess, beer.

I leave you now with something sent to me by my good friend Max Catania. Max lives in the New York of Latin America, Buenos Aires, a city that I had the privilege of visiting earlier this year. Max, we're proud to have you on board.

Things you realize, things you don't

2006-05-02T23:24:00.000-04:00

So Audrey and I have been Rallymates for, well, I guess it's been five or six years now. We've been through alot together, and I sometimes don't realize that there are, in fact, experiences that we have not yet shared. Well, there couldn't be many. We met a Mongolian diplomat, for example; we haven't tried, nor should we try, to top that (at least, in terms of meeting diplomats.) Anyways, point is, I realized something.

We've never been in a car together.

This didn't seem like a significant realization to me, until I realized, oh yeah, we met in the first place in order to be in a car together. We also haven't played ping-pong, or killed off an entire litre of fine spirits, or attended a Hilary Duff concert (all of which we are going to do...I hope). But to not have been in a car together. It's weird, to say the least.

We had a brief discussion about this, and came to a very definite conclusion: we have not yet been in a car together and we will not be in a car together until the time is right - and I suspect that time will be around noon, British standard time, on 22 July 2006.

This is one of the things we realized. I can only speculate about the things we haven't.

P.H.

Come On Paul. Tell Em.

2006-05-02T00:12:00.000-04:00

Paul, you know I'm just itching to tell them. We've been rallymates now, officially, since February 15th (and of course, we knew it before then, too), we've met each other's families and friends, we've had exciting times and drudgery...but there's something we've never done together. Something important.

But I promised I'd let you say it, so say it already! Tell em!

Paul obtains a valuable skill

2006-04-25T14:24:00.000-04:00

So here's something that I am glad to have learned: changing a tire. Never changed one before last night, which isn't so good. It's easy, though, even with the shoddy tools that come standard with a Dodge Stratus. (VERY IMPORTANT: Bring a strong/easy to use jack with us.) I feel clever, in a small way because at first I couldn't get the damn tire off but then I picked up the spare and threw it at the flat, which dislodged it from whatever it was stuck to. Brute force, the thing that will make Team Newyorkistan successful, and the reason Audrey chose me as second-in-command (my verbal and psychological test scores were poor, but I blew away all the other candidates - several dozen - on the physical fitness test. What, you think Audrey just picked my name out of a hat?)

So, I thought a little bit about what car problems we would encouter most frequently/likely. This is my estimation:

1. Running out of fuel
2. Flat tires
3. The suspension
4. Overheating

The first two and the fourth can be managed and planned ahead for...busted suspension is a bit more of a problem, but that's what Kazakh mechanics are for. So long as their rates are a bit lower than those of New York mechanics, we're in for an easy ride. "Easy" used in a very loose and relative sense.

-Pablo Fantastico

Street Legal Jet Powered VW Beetle

2006-04-21T17:52:00.000-04:00

Need I say more? (if the answer is 'yes', then see here): http://www.techeblog.com/index.php/tech-gadget/street-legal-jet-powered-vw-beetle

Advice from an '05er

2006-04-20T10:12:00.000-04:00

(I am putting up a post from one of last year's rallyer's - it has lots of advice. i love it. here goes)

I am famous! (infamous) I forgot what a good off road panda driver i was
Good luck on 2006 rally

PS just ignore all Russians
PPS especially ignore Argentinians
PPS weld your own car-even novices
PPPS leave more time for Mongolia than the rest
PPPPS take some wet wipes (alot)
PPPPS if you hit mud or water just drive faster
PPPPPS dont listen to advice its more fun without

94 days

2006-04-18T17:31:00.000-04:00

Yep, just 94 days until 22 July is upon us and we put the petal to the metal.

If anyone from England is reading this, then I have a request for you. Find me (Paul) somewhere to work in England between now and 22 July. I could be in England within a few days, if I so needed. I will do anything. I want to be able to stay in England a couple of months before we leave, both for purposes of getting our car and other Rally stuff in order, as well as for personal enjoyment.

I can do pretty much anything. Try me.

Alternately, if you live in the United States, and you need something done for which you are willing to exchange money (United States money, preferribly), let me know. (see my above claim about being able to do pretty much anything. It applies to potential employers in this country as well.)

I have enough funds to go on the Rally, but there are the aforementioned 94 days until it starts, which gives me some time to do something useful, and make enough money to spring for the two-star hotel instead of the one-star ("Best Western Samarkand" instead of "Yusuf's Goat Hospital and Youth Hostel.")

I know that this blog is very widely read. Latest estimates by our staff (we employ about 300 people, keep in mind) show a daily readership in the tens of thousands. So, if one of the legions of readers needs a research paper written, or a small structure demolished, or a romance-novel manuscript copyedited, or anything completely different, let me know.

PH

Blue, by The Jayhawks, Is A Really Good Song

2006-04-14T01:00:00.000-04:00

And on that note, I'm going to tell you that opportunities to become a member of Team Newyorkistan are still available. We may have already met the fundraising requirements, but hell, we desire to be the biggest and best and fundraisey-est. So, if you haven't yet become a member of the Team Newyorkistan BackSeat Drivers Club, join now by donating to one of three amazing charities - here they are:

Donations to Send A Cow!

Donations to Mercy Corps Scotland!

Donations to the Christina Noble Foundation!

We are so thankful to have you all out there working to help us out, and by making donations to these very worthwhile charities.

All you have to do is donate, then send us an email (or just me, at roofeh@gmail.com) and I'll send you a Team Newyorkistan Backseat Drivers Club Membership Card. The next time someone rifles through your wallet he or she will be stunningly confused by this particular piece of cardboard. So join now!

And while you're out there taking directions, go download some Joe Tex off the itunes.* I promise you won't be disappointed.

*Unless your name is Aaron or Jason Brame. In which case a mix cd is on its way to you, I promise.

Nobody Listen to Him!

2006-04-13T10:56:00.000-04:00

Paul,

I don't know what you're talking about. There are no problems. We're going to learn to like the rain.

Last night at Passover seder, one of my uncles (a car salesman - picture it: Persian through and through, wears suits and, I'm pretty sure, a hairpiece, and...cowboy boots. i love this man) is negotiating with my brother Abraham who wants to buy an Acura. I ask what he would drive if he had to go a really, really long distance. First he says, "Ah, comfort. I'd go for the Caddy". I say, hmmm, what if it's rough terrain? Like, a lot of rough terrain? Maybe, say, from London to Mongolia. He says, "Range Rover." I ask what the engine displacement of a RR is. He tells me "five point five liters." I say, well, what if you can only take a car with a one litre engine. He says, "you'll never make it." And walks away.

You know what this is like, people? This is like the scene early on in Lawrence of Arabia, where Colonel Dryden informs then Lt. Lawrence of his new assignment, to head out into the desert to find Prince Faisl. And Lawrence says, "this is going to be fun!" And Colonel Dryden sighs, and responds, "it is recognized that you have a funny idea of fun."

Problems, oh there are many

2006-04-12T01:47:00.000-04:00

Indeed, thinking ahead is important in a venture such as this one.* However, my impression is that no matter what problems we think of ahead of time, it's going to be the ones that we could have never imagined that will trip us up. This might sound like a cliche, but think of it in this context. Think of the problems that have been envisaged...and then think of the stuff you haven't even thought of. Scary, isn't it?!?

Creativity in problem solving might not be as important as creativity in problem imagining.

The Rally is still a hundred or so days in the future, yet the list of things I have learned, and people I have met, and experiences I have had, all in connection with this grand event, is long. One I'll mention here, because it's just plain wacky, is when my dad arm wrestled a British filmmaker during a late-night outing for Chinese food. We actually didn't realize he was a filmmaker at the time, but he was. In fact, we didn't know him at all until he happened to be singing karaoke at the same bar that we held a fundraiser at. William Archer, the filmmaker in question, is an awesome guy who made what appears to be a fascinating political documentary called Hand to Hand (www.handtohand.com, check it out)...it's high on my to-watch list. William donated to Team Newyorkistan, for which we thank him. I will always remember, with fondness, my dad arm wrestling him.

I was perusing eBay car listings a moment ago. The cars all look pretty good, which really means little, because I'm confident that any one of them will give us problems to no end.

One is inclined to think that we shouldn't buy a Fiat Panda, because "everyone" is taking a Panda...but then again, this "everyone" in question represents only the subset of the general populace who are driving to Mongolia, so "everyone" is really a relative term. So, what I'm saying is, looks like we're going with the Panda.

PH

*That doesn't mean there's been very much of it, though, on our part or on the part of other teams.

Gambling Junkies, Start Your Engines

2006-04-11T15:47:00.000-04:00

Paul raises a good point about the amount of discomfort that will be involved in the Rally. Some elements we will be able to anticipate and some will come wholly out of nowhere. In fact, I'm thinking we should start taking bets. I want to see what the folks think the odds are. I'll start:

100% Chance that Shit Will Go Down:
Having to sleep in our car
Not getting to shower for extended periods (what I mean by "extended periods" is up for debate)
Living off of melty power bars covered in sand when we drive through the desert
Having to pee on the side of a road (perhaps more my problem than Paul's)
Finding that our maps don't correspond with with the road options we are presented with in reality
Being threatened with a beating by an Azerbaijani dwarf. (We'll be better people for it)

On the other hand, I think that there is also a 100% likelihood of the following:
Doing donuts in a field somewhere in Kazakhstan
Making friends with the locals
Seeing the stars in the Gobi desert sky
Buying all y'all bitches' christmas presents at bazaars in Central Asia
Getting to pop in various mix tapes for various kinds of driving (the power pop for the first stretch of open highway, the quieter Yo La Tengo and/or a reasonable facsimile for contemplative night drives, and wooboy - whatever it is we're listening to when we come upon the Mongolian border, will be a song forever emblazoned in our memory)*

This is the road trip of the Gods.

Whoever wants to start the debate on the really scary shit that's gonna go down - go right ahead. We're just waiting to hear it.
Audrey

*Not unlike the way I remember that my ipod, on shuffle, was playing "Do Me", by Boyz 2 Men (thank you Tommy Hartnett) the very moment I found out I passed the bar exam.

When we thought it couldn't get any better...

2006-04-10T12:35:00.000-04:00

Over the weekend at an undisclosed location, Paul and Audrey met with two individuals who happen to comprise a film production company that has made some pretty impressive stuff. Turns out, Team Newyorkistan might just warrant inclusion in an upcoming TV special. Specifics, of course, need to be worked out, but the idea has been put in motion, people are talking, and Paul is willing to skydive in any state of undress should the networks so desire (doubtful.)

Audrey mentioned the levels of discomfort we are in line for facing; that made me think about discomfort and how we're likely going to be facing a good deal of it. I specifically am not eager to be out in the rain. I'm kinda like a cat in that regard. I also do not want to be in a car that is sinking into the mud. And, I don't want to have to escape from a car if the mud is that severe. Man, thinking about this is no fun.

But what is fun? The Model UN reunion/Team Newyorkistan party that we might have. If you were ever in Model UN, or know someone who was, or can guess what the UN in Model UN means, you're invited. More info on that front coming soon.

PH

A Most Horrible Realization

2006-04-06T12:28:00.000-04:00

I tried to do long division today. I couldn't.

How will I make it through the mountains and deserts without the long division skills that I have now, apparently, lost?

Yours,
Chicken Little.

Funds: They have been raised

2006-03-31T22:22:00.000-05:00

The Mongol Rally has never been a solo venture, or even limited to the two people who are actually going on it. Last night was an incredible show of Rally spirit by the dozens of people who actually do make up Team Newyorkistan. From the worlds of law, diplomacy, and high finance, they came out to support the Team. Audrey did a fine job of choosing a venue; Megan stylishly and enthusiastically presented our auction items; our bidders snapped up everything we put out there, eager to put gas in our tank, money in Mercy Corps' coffers, and visas in our passports.

The professionalism, eloquence and knowledgeability of Mr. Nemuun Gal has provided a first impression of Mongolia for many people that is overwhelmingly positive; if he is any indication, then we are driving to a place of friendly and welcoming people. We were honored to be able to help him educate the public about his country.

I said to many people that, before either I or Audrey leave for Europe, there will be a banquet feast to which all of our many supporters are invited. The people I met last night were some of the most warm and fun people I have ever met - I have never made so many new friends in one day before. I like Audrey's family every bit as much as she likes mine, and I long looked forward to meeting them. (David Roofeh will make an excellent physician, and is hereby awarded the post of Assistant Team Doctor - the venerable Dr. Roofeh of course holding the senior post.) I anticipate that, around mid-June, we will again all come together for a huge barbecue and we will have a ton of fun all over again.

I'd like to send out a big thanks to Will from England and Gus from Greece, who came simply for the karaoke but learned all about Newyorkistan and the Rally, made a donation, and joined myself and my family for Chinese food after the fundraiser was finished. You are of course invited to the barbecue.

Individualized thank yous and shout outs are coming soon, when our heads stop spinning and we have everything straightened out.

Thank you ALL and it will be great to see you both before departing and upon our triumphant return. A successful Rally will be both your accomplishment and ours.

PH

The Fundraiser Recap, or "Bring Warm Clothes" the Diplomatic Official Advises.

2006-03-31T20:24:00.000-05:00

Did I say thank you to everyone? Cause what I'm feeling today is one big fat THANK YOU. I'd like to give a more sober recap than the brief accounting I gave last night when I got home. To start, the above photo is, from left, Paul Hanson, then Mr. Neemun Gal, Second Secretary to the Permanent Mission of Mongolia to the United Nations, and in the bright red crayon, is me. And let me tell you, your fundraiser is just not a fundraiser until you have a Mongolian diplomat there. More on Mr. Gal in a moment. There is a lot that made last night great. To give the rundown for those who weren't there, we were at Winnie's Bar in Chinatown, which I realized after the fact was a tad cozy for the number of people we were expecting. Which just rocks. There was some pizza. There was an auction catalogue of car parts that contained two lots #2 and no lot #6.

There was family - my brothers David and Abraham, my dad and stepmom and cousins Lila, and Robbie and Ryan and Aunt Ellyn, whom we hadn't seen in too, too long. There was Paul's family, who were clearly the best karaoke-ers, and in terms of sheer population, it appeared that the Matthews Family once again, represented. Kiowa, Andrew, Jane, Ed, Pam, Michael, Nora and some stray named Jim they picked up along the way. It seems that at some point, someone gave Jim the microphone. See Exhibit 2. (It would appear that this man is responsible for the Saddam Hussein content in your favorite tv show).

Things started to get cooking, and then, I believe it was Yvonne, walked up and introduced Mr. Gal. We weren't quite sure whether he would be able to make it to our event, but he did, and he graciously spoke to the crowd about Mongolian culture and life, and that Mongolia offers its full moral support to Team Newyorkistan. Now here's our plug. Learn more about Mongolia. As Mr. Gal informed us last night, Mongolia, even now in the 21st century, is supporting a nomadic culture that is unsustained elsewhere in the world. It's exotic, it's beautiful, it's wild - and apparently, even people in the big city live in gers. Isn't that amazing?!

Then our fabulous emcee and hostess, Megan, took the stage and started us on the live auction. It was ridiculous. I wasn't quite sure whether people would be interested in sponsoring car parts, considering that their ownership in the actual parts would be theoretical. Maybe it was Megan's engaging stage presence, or maybe it was the liquor. All I know is that those car parts went, and fast. and for more than we could have possibly hoped. For instance, this is what it looked like when we auctioned the driver's seat:
The full results of the auction will be released when Paul and I can find the paperwork. But for now I can tell you that one Michael Matthews bought the whole damn thing. He must now pick the design for a big fat sticker to go across the hood.
All I can say about the auction itself, is that it was a complete outrage, how much money you people all donated to charity. You really are going to make a difference in the lives of many many people. I hope that makes you feel all warm and fuzzy.

But it doesn't end there. No night at a karaoke bar would be complete without people making complete asses of themselves. That would be me singing "Africa" by Toto. Somehow, Michele managed not to make an ass of herself, singing the same song with me. This may have something to do with how naturally funny she is. And then there's a whole other level of irony to the karaoke. I really didn't know what I was missing in my life until Dan (and Mike? Lila? Who'd you do that with) sang EASY LOVER. (picture the brooklyn hipsters singing phil collins). This picture however, of Mr. and Mrs. Hanson, is a picture of people doing karaoke and not making fools of themselves.

Audrey's Mongol Rally Oscar Acceptance Speech (sans time limit).
There was so much that so many people did to make last night absolutely perfect. Kiowa and Andrew *slaved* over baking beautiful and delicious cookies that they decorated in the colors of the Mongolian flag. What says love more than doing that for a friend. Yvonne deftly managed the money, the door, the papers, the crowd and was always a sweetheart. Megan, who literally had no idea she was to conduct the auction until an hour before it happened - looked absolutely effortless up there (I think the proof is in the donations). Alex, who came out of nowhere with guests, money, and rally cheerleading. My wonderful coworkers (new and old) - John, Liz, Matt, Justin, Rachael, Jon and Shareen. God knows how much effort it is to get out with a work schedule in our profession, but there they all were. Our new President of the Team Newyorkistan Backseat Drivers Club - who will surely soon make an announcement to the legions of members out there. Nick Cernese, who probably spent 15 minutes in the US in all of March, made it to Winnie's. Brian on a school night. All the great people who donated but couldn't make it last night - first and foremost the amazing Lee Marcus, who was missed. And probably does a great Sinatra. And all the folks we met for the first time last night - please please please send us an email at mongolrally06@gmail.com, so we can keep you up to speed on the team and its exploits. You're our peeps.

And here I leave you with a picture of my dad and his poker-auction face. (Note also, Andrew has same face. They may have been bidding against one another.)

Life is good.

Oh My Mother Of God.

2006-03-31T00:28:00.000-05:00

Basically, I'm blogging right now in an effort to straighten myself for a big day at work tomorrow (you can call that what you like). But I'm here to tell you right now, that I barely believe what just happened. In fact, I don't believe it. But I'm here to report the following.

1. Tonight, Winnie's Bar in Chinatown was overrun with the exact crowd I expect at my wedding.
2. No matter how many pictures were taken, not enough pictures were taken,
3. A representative from the Permanent Mission to the United Nations, Mr. Neemun Gal attended our fundraiser, and spoke to the crowd about Mongolia, and Mongolian-American relations (!!!!!!!!!!!@@@@!!!!)
3a. An unspeakable version of the song "Africa" by Toto was sung. By some folks who shall remain nameless.
4. We raised approximately....(are you ready?)....(You are NEVER going to believe this).....(fo real!).....$2,300 FOR CHARITY TONIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
DID YOU HEAR THAT?! we BLEW the fundraising requirement out of the fricking water!!!!! We were hoping that we might come close to meeting our requirement (approx. $1,400. As you can see, you all beat that by almost a thousand dollars. you rock so hard.)

Unfrickinbelievable!!!!!!!!!

All I can say is there is bottomless thanks due to all who attended, all who helped with the logistics, and all who donated tonight. I can't tell you how much I appreciate it (and generally, I'm a rather emotional person. so the telling would be pretty emotional). All I can say is that we're so touched by your generosity and kindness.
xoxo,
audrey

Just 72 or so hours

2006-03-27T23:02:00.000-05:00

...until the greatest fundraiser ever. I am amazed at the enormity of this event. I am also amazed at how hot an item our t-shirts are, with their bold colors and sharply drawn map of the winding route that will be taken by many a Rallyer. I am amazed at how many people are taking part in the Mongol Rally, too. Four hundred people are wacky enough to be doing this. I get the feeling that, when border guards see us, they will say something to the effect of "more Rally people! All right!" (cuz we're all awesome. At least, the Rallyers I have corresponded with so far are.)

Scratch that. The border guards will be surprised to see Westerners because we will be first. Yeah, right, not a race bla bla bla. Whatever, I'm driving as fast as our 100-pound car (price, not mass) will take us.

My father and sister, talented singers both, are quite eager to regale the crowds. I can't wait to meet all of Audrey's friends and family, especially that one that Audrey insists would be really into me and we'd go together so well and she just won't shut up about her! Thanks for tryin' to set me up, Audrey :) We'll see how it goes.

I am trying to get a hold of the people at the various consulates who are authorized to give group discounts on their exorbitantly-priced visas (a double-entry Kazakh tourist visa is second only to a college degree in the "costly documents" category.) Perhaps I will use reverse psychology..."ok, fine, I won't come to your country (hang up angrily)"...and then see how long it is until they hit *69 and beg me to reconsider. Or, I'll just politely ask for the discount.

Making auction posters with Audrey over the weekend was fun, as was modeling our t-shirts. There are some excellent bargains to be had; where else can you sponsor a car that will be traveling such a Herculean distance? (Note that the person who sponsors the car gets their name etched prominently on the side of it. People in a dozen countries will know that you sponsored us, and after all is said and done, some Mongolian teenager's first car will have your name on it.)

All very exciting stuff. More coming. See you all soon.

PH

This Is Absolutely Laughable

2006-03-27T21:52:00.000-05:00

I just so LOVE it. Really - I go around every day thanking my lucky stars for the friends and family. But it doesn't exist in a vacuum, things happen all the time to remind me why I'm so lucky. My younger siblings and myself crouched around my mac, watching a jacked copy of the SNL sketch "Taco Town" on my Mac. Being humored for a 24 hour visit to Wisconsin where all that transpired seemed to be (a) drinking; and (b) watching R. Kelly's seminal work, "Trapped in the Closet". And then there's the Matthews Family. You might recall the Matthews from such earlier blog entries as "Matthews Family Represent." They are the family of my dearest friend Kiowa, with whom I attended law school. I have now reached a point in my life where I don't know how I got by without them. When it comes to being supportive, they rival my own family. And now to my point: what says love more than Kiowa's Aunt Pam's Aunt Renie donating to the cause?!?!?!?!?!? AUNT RENIE!!!!!!!!!! Here's Team Newyorkistan saying Thanks. We will take many pictures, and if there are any pieces missing from the silverware set you brought back from Thailand (?) that gets whipped out at the Matthews' Family events, let me know. I might be able to find replacement pieces at a bazaar somewhere in Asia....

The Fundraiser Update

2006-03-27T00:28:00.000-05:00

Dear Friends And Family And Neighbors, People We Know, People We've Heard Of, People We've Not Heard Of, and Those Who Seem Vaguely Familiar:

Paul Hanson and Audrey Roofeh, dba Team Newyorkistan of the 2006 Mongol Rally are writing to update you on the Karaoke Charity Fundraiser this Thursday, March 30, at Winnie's Bar in Chinatown.

EXCITING NEWS
But first - a few bits of exciting news - we are officially registered for the Rally. It was expected that it would be weeks before all the spots on the rally were taken. Instead, it happened that all 100 spots were filled in ONE HOUR. Another 100 spots are opening up tomorrow afternoon, and, all told, the rally is expected to raise nearly a half million dollars for charity. And it's you wonderful folks who are making it happen. Granted, Paul and Audrey will provide the vicarious thrills and the "better you than me" moments, but in all seriousness, we couldn't (and wouldn't) do it without your help and support.

FUNDRAISER NEWS
So - on to the details of the fundraiser. This Thursday, March 30th, 7pm at Winnie's Bar on Bayard Street in Manhattan. (See below for directions and parking).

THE BACKSEAT DRIVER'S CLUB
Every person who attends the event will automatically be issued a membership card in the Team Newyorkistan Backseat Drivers Club. Membership in this organization allows you to tell us, Team Newyorkistan, what to do in preparation for and execution of the Rally. Elections for leadership positions will be taken at the Fundraiser. The scope of the organization's duties and responsibilities will be determined after everyone's had a few drinks.

THE FOOD
Also, there will be free pizza at the event** - not terribly Mongolian, but it'll be from Patsy's so you know it's good. And come on - what could be better than pizza, beer and karaoke?

THE AUCTIONING OF THE CAR PARTS
As you know, the $10 donation at the door goes directly to charity.* What you may not know is that we will be holding both a live and silent auction for the sponsorship of our most vital car parts. And some visas. I guarantee, it will be like no other auction you have ever seen.

THE TEE SHIRTS
there will be tee shirts for sale at the fundraiser, and wooboy, are they a hoot. We will put up a link with photos on our website, asap.

THE FINAL PITCH
We really hope to see you there on Thursday - it's going to be a lot of fun. If you have the evite for this event, please do RSVP - it will help us determine how much we need of everything. If you don't have the evite, send me an email, and I will forward it along.

Very truly yours,
Audrey Roofeh and Paul Hanson

DIRECTIONS TO WINNIE'S
By Subway: take the N, R, Q, W, J, M, Z or 6 train to Canal Street. Walk one block east on Canal to Baxter. Make a right, and walk about two blocks south on Baxter. Make a left on Bayard, and Winnie's is just a few doors in on your left. (On your right is a park). Here's a map: http://maps.citysearch.com/location/7113432?

By car: if you need directions by car - send me an email, I will get right back to you.

*For those of you who have contributed in advance of the event, this has been noted. Just tell the person at the door that your name is on the list.

** Supplies are limited. Sigh.

What Else Just Occurred to Me.

2006-03-22T20:00:00.000-05:00

That if there's anyone out there reading this bunk, I'm going to proselytize. So here goes - if you love me, and team newyorkistan, and freedom, etc., etc., you'll do this: listen to KEXP. for your own good. www.kexp.org - really, the best music out there. It may be the only thing I'm worried about going without for a month in Central Asia. It's that good.

In other Team NYStan updates, the rally slots disappeared in an HOUR on Monday morning. Folks were projecting days, weeks, before that happened. Nope. Just like Beastie Boys tix in high school. One Hour.

Also, I'm just going to call him Team Newyorkistan's own Bill and Melinda - John M. Lundin, at it again with the out of control sponsorship. But it's very hush hush, at the moment. Will inform upon completion.

For those of you who have not yet RSVPed for the Rally Fundraiser, which is next Thursday, March 30 - please do! And if you haven't received the evite, or need further details, send me an email and I will forward it asap. roofeh@gmail.com

A Brief Foray into Siegel's New York Practice

2006-03-21T12:03:00.000-05:00

I have a deep and abiding love of Siegel's invaluable treatise, New York Practice (including but not limited to the fact that I have TWO copies of the book, one for home and one for work, the home edition having been autographed by our very own, Lizardbreath), and now I must share with the world the section in the book that our dear friend wrote with either very little sleep, on too much caffeine, or just handed off to a legal intern:

"The requirement of verification is supposed to encourage honesty in pleading. A false verification is technically a perjury but district attorneys seldom become involved, excusing themselves on the ground of more pressing problems. Earlier in our legal history the requirement of swearing may have been underwritten by a genuine fear of hell, but hell has had little impact on New York practice. . . ."

"With a legislative imprimatur, but with almost all of its teeth gone, verification still smiles grotesquely from the pages of the CPLR. . . ."

“Another instance of required verification of the answer is that of a corporate defendant being sued on a promissory note, a requirement so trivial that it lacks the miniscule electric charge needed to adhere it to some portion of the brain.”

Charity Numeral Dva

2006-03-16T18:21:00.000-05:00

Quickly, before I turn into a pumpkin:

This message is to inform our loyal readership (whoever you may be) that Team Newyorkistan is now also fundraising for Mercy Corps Scotland, an international aid organization that the Mongol Rally politburo has determined is worthy of our ridiculous efforts. (The quick explanation is that Team Newyorkistan supporters have done an outstanding job in raising money for Send A Cow - so much so that we have met and exceeded our fundraising requirements for a UK based charity. Phase Two has now begun - aiding a charity that actually does work to help the people of the country that we are, for lack of a better term, about to invade). To that end, please visit our new JustGiving site, at www.justgiving.com/teamnewyorkistan - if you have not yet had the opportunity to donate on our behalf, now's a great time and it would mean so much to us.
(Can you hear Brian Lehrer or Soterios Johnson* speaking that last sentence?)
*furthermore, did you know that some brooklyn hipsters started a band called "Soterios Johnson"?**
**this may or may not have happened after the other hipsters decided to start a band called "Sam Champion".
My apologies to those of you who do not listen/watch local NYC news.

My trust has been violated, in a small way

2006-03-15T23:25:00.000-05:00

Audrey is a great rally teammate but would make a terrible therapist or secret lover cuz she published our private correspondence.

But, all in all, she did the right thing. I'd say the same thing to anyone. Ditch and move to London until the Rally starts.

The marketing department is working on Official Membership Cards for the Team Newyorkistan Backseat Drivers' Club. It is at the current time uncertain whether it would be cost effective to have each Backseat Driver's name imprinted on the card, or just to make a generic card and enclose an Elmer's-glue-and-glitter "thank you" note (which is currently Plan B so far as this particular idea goes.) There are companies that handle this very kind of thing (or, at least, close to it) and I am going to see which of them will offer the best value to us and our Backseat Drivers.

My good mate David Mayo, a Rallyer attending uni over in England, has sent along some highly valuable info that our intelligence department is analyzing in order to put to use for our own ends. Thank you, David, you are a solid fellow and I very much look forward to joining yourself, your teammate (who is his father, by the way) and some other Rallyers to form a convoy for our route (via Ukraine for David, and maybe ourselves as well.) New question to answer: what will the convoy's name be? We each have team names but a convoy is something more than a team. It's...many teams, driving together as one. And it's special.

Let's file that question under "low priority."

In unrelated news, I emailed someone from Belarus, who said that, with that country's elections in the imminent future, there might be a complete change of government there. Not definite, or necessarily likely, but possible. If that does happen it would make driving through Belarus more likely. Our foreign affairs department is watching the developments in White Russia at the current time.

I'm completely serious, we have like 300 people working for us.

P.H.

Why I Love My 21 Year Old Rallymate

2006-03-13T17:25:00.000-05:00

This one's for all you nine-to-fivers out there:

From: PH
To: AR
Date: 3/13/06
Re:

heres an idea: we ditch everything and go to london.
now. or, right after the fundraiser. it will be great,
think about it: we can bum around london and get off
the books jobs, and its as close as you would ever
want to be to being married to me (cuz we'd live
someplace and eke out an existence. it would be the
stuff dreams are made of.) btw im still reconsidering.
esp if we move to london. if we were to do so then we
should be known as mr. and mrs. roofeh (your name is
more english-sounding than mine.)

just think about it. ditch everything. easy for me to
say of course, i haven't much to ditch. it would be
sooo much fun wouldnt it?

Let's take a poll: for how many of you out there would this be the proverbial straw?

It Takes A Worried Man to Sing A Worried Song

2006-03-12T21:37:00.000-05:00

But God only knows what it took for R. Kelly to make "Trapped In The Closet". For those who have not seen it, stop what you're doing right now and go buy the dvd.

In other news, things are still plodding along Rally-wise. We have a million things to take care of, which all seems entirely overwhelming. I think we're going to have to start asking for help here and there - in fact, why don't I just start now? Anyone who's reading, let me know if you can provide any information about the following:
1. Good Mongolian food in Manhattan;
2. Someone in England who's interested in selling an automobile to us for cheap;
3. Fundraising advice

Just had to get that all off my chest.

Audrey Can't Keep A Secret. Too Bad She's A Lawyer.

2006-03-08T00:35:00.000-05:00

That's not really true. I've never told a soul who Mr. Anonymous is. But when it comes to what's up with the Rally, I spill the beans faster than...oh God, I'm too gd tired to come up with an analogy. But I do have something to spill.

We want our fundraiser to get sponsored by the Mongolian Consulate in New York. What in the universe adds more cache to your event than the fact that it's sponsored by the CONSULATE OF MONGOLIA?>!?!?!
you know you love it. And if you have any idea how to accomplish this goal, please tell me. I'm afraid the learning curve might be a bit much for me on this one.

Also, Paul has a brilliant fundraising idea. But I'll let him tell you about that. I can hardly keep from telling.

Everyone likes a delayed shout out.

2006-03-07T08:33:00.001-05:00

And by "everyone" I hope this includes Brian Wallace and Leslie Levine.

Brian is a first year New York City public schoolteacher who works with elementary school special education students in the Bronx as part of the Teach for America program. He's dedicated, thoughtful, and an all-around great guy. With lots of tattoos. No really. For someone who has to buy his own classroom supplies, Team Newyorkistan is really touched that he would find us (or by extension, Send A Cow) worthy of his hard earned money.

And because I'm a spaz, I have only now figured out that JustGiving.com tells you by email exactly who it is that donated money to you. Therefore, I have conclusively determined that it was in fact the fabulous and wonderful Leslie Levine c/o Clyde the Cat who donated GBP 50 to the cause. For those of you who don't remember, Chris and I used to have a cat. We were never home to take care of him. Who jumped to the rescue? Leslie Levine.

You all rock.

The Jessica Rutherford Question

2006-03-07T08:33:00.000-05:00

Ok, someone out there name your band that.

Otherwise, Paul, I can tell you that Jessica Rutherford is (1) a New Yorker at heart; (2) a great person to have as a next-locker mate in law school; and (3) happens, randomly, to be co-defendant's counsel in the True & Dorin case. Small World!

All hail Jessica Rutherford

2006-03-05T20:35:00.000-05:00

Jessica Rutherford, I don't know you, but you have put 30 quid worth of petrol in our tank, and that means you're like family.

T-shirts will be ready, if not for the first fundraiser than definitely for the second.

At our March 30th fundraiser, in addition to being able to sing and eat awesome food and support an awesome cause, you will be able to bid on an awesome guitar that was once played by a guy who once played with Ron Wood of the Rolling Stones (you can call it the "seven degrees of rock and roll fame" guitar. This is a finely crafted instrument that anyone would be proud to own.

In addition to you attending, any other miscellania that you would like to give us so we can auction it is welcome. I hope to assemble a motley assortment of stuff.

Our music department is tossing around plans for a Team Newyorkistan theme song. Stay tuned.

PH

Links to Other Mongol Rally 06 Teams

2006-03-02T23:27:00.000-05:00

In addition to our expansive back-office operations, coordination efforts are underway with other Mongol Rally teams, such as:

The Mongolian Taxi Service

Skoda Power Turbo Racing Team, or alternatively, Operation Ass

Team What Could Possibly Go Wrongolia?

Team Wales to Mongolia

Team Squires on Safari

Team Fiesta

Team We Must Be Mad

Team Directionless

Just like my first year civil procedure professor, Aviva Orenstein said, "when you have the chance to write up a document yourself in litigation (say, with regard to discovery scheduling or production in general) take it - even though it's more work, take it - you get your terms in there, and you end up better off." God, I have absolutely no idea what that has to do with anything, other than that I'm nostalgic for first year civpro. As Scott Stamper will attest, Aviva ROCKED.

Good news from the graphic-design department

2006-03-02T15:19:00.000-05:00

I talked to our people over in graphic-design (Team Newyorkistan has about twenty departments and a total of over four hundred people on our payroll; this isn't as easy as it looks, people.) They were doodling and throwing around some ideas for the definitive Newyorkistan logo; we will be unveiling the result shortly. In the meantime, I have to resolve a labor dispute and fire the bottom 10%. Over four hundred people, remember.

PH

Team Newyorkistan Fundraiser #1 - Barnight with Karaoke Implications....

2006-03-01T21:13:00.000-05:00

For those of you who were kind enough to click on the link from our website to our blog, you are now being rewarded with, well, precious little. Except for this, our version of the 'save the date' thingy your friends give you when they get engaged.

Fundraiser
to be held at Winnie's Bar in Manhattan
Thursday, March 30, 2006
there will most definitely be karaoke involved
$10 cover that goes directly to charity

we may or may not have teeshirts printed up by then
more details as Paul and I make them up.

Additionally, I can't believe I asked someone to marry me and he refused! Paul Hanson, you really don't know a good thing when you see it. I would be *totally* sexy in a hijab.

Are wedding bells in the future???

2006-03-01T15:45:00.000-05:00

Audrey, while raising some thorny issues, has also brought up an interesting point. We could, in fact, get married in Turkey and have this annulled in Turkmenistan, which would satisfy the requirements of Islamic law (which I believe prohibits wacky road trips by the unmarried; good thing I'm not going with a guy, because...well, lets just say that it doesn't take much to upset some people.)

Annnnywho...there are pros and cons to a brief period of matrimony. They are, starting with the pros:
1. Aforementioned satisfaction of Iran's arcane marriage/road trip statutes;
2. Temporary newlywed bliss for both of us; the first few days of wedded life are the best anyway, right? So why press it? "Quit while you're ahead" is what I have always said.
3. Gift registry...no, not at Fortunoff. More likely at Pep Boys. I mean, come on, does Fortunoff have anything that would be useful in a Fiat 126? Crystal bowls are nice and all, but will they do us any good when our brake pads are worn down and the passenger door falls off?
4. Audrey can handle all the annulment paperwork; I mean, come on, she does that stuff for a living.

But it isn't all wedding cake and honeymooning on the Straits of Hormuz. We also must consider:

1. Being married would blow our cover. Up to this point, we have been the Jack and Meg White of the Mongol Rally. That is to say, we have everyone wondering: "are they married? Brother and sister? They could be either, I guess, but they don't act like it...what's their deal?!?" This wouldn't be such a bad thing but I like to keep everyone guessing. A marriage license (which is after all public record) would shatter our veil of secrecy.
2. The marriage penalty (you know, on your taxes.)
3. Children.

Therefore, I unilaterally declare it out of the question that Audrey and I be married this August. Audrey, I don't expect you to be happy about this, but we must move on with the business at hand.

Oh by the way, everyone, we're going to have a fundraiser. More to come on that front.

PH